Payback is a B****

If I truly believed in karma

I’d be convinced that you were mine

My heart wanted you so much

I fell past all the signs

With every second spent. . .on an array of conversation

Intellectual, radical, and ridiculous

Aliens, God, systemic oppression 

How I’m not jumping no broom, and why must you have this fan again

You know, normal shit

With the way your eyes met mine 

Suddenly words weren’t needed

A delicate touch spoke volumes

I opened the doors to my soul 

Placed my secrets in your care

The more of you I received 

The more I fell

Only you weren’t falling with me

Loving you was a dose of my own broken hearted medicine 

Unfairly prescribed for a condition that is outdated

I’m no longer hurt.  . .jaded 

Feeding ego at the expense of another

But the universe still saw fit to see my energy reciprocated

You. . .were my KARMA

Double Shot

My love is not conditional,

Nor fickle

It does not hinge on your behavior 

Nor the musings of sweet nothings 

That trickle from your lips with the smoothness of heavy cream 

infiltrating the richness of my coffee bold soul 

My love is not conditional,

It can not be bought

Nor exchanged for anything of this plain

Materials won’t do 

Divinely connected 

Pulled in, drawn to energy that feels like home

My love is not conditional 

All I require is that you give me YOU. 

                                           - Darian Marissa 

The Runaway

I was addicted to my own pain

I reveled in it

Long past there being anything to gain 

From reliving the hurt that damn near drove me insane

But to let go means taking responsibility 

For my own growth 

My own healing

Opening myself up to the possibility 

That it could all. . .happen. . .again 

And so I continued to fiddle with strings of toxicity 

Institutionalized by my pain 

Unable to cope with “healthy” 

The triggers fire and anxiety swells

There’s got to be something wrong 

And I’d sit waiting for the other shoe to fall 

Only it wouldn’t . .  .but that can’t be 

So there I’d go digging into the recesses of my mind for old traumas to project 

Subconsciously leaking the poisons of the past 

Piecing together reasons to retreat 

Because it’s better to leave before the hurt

Right?! 

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

I thought you were helping

me complete my puzzle

But you've been pulling pieces

from a different box

adjusting the angles ever so slightly. . . .

so they almost fit

forming a fragmented image

of everything I thought I wanted

I can almost picture what it would be like

to be loved by you

1509

You played with my heart but it's my fault, I let you 

I let you in to a place no one had ever seen 

I let you see soul deep inside of me 

I gave you my worries, trusted you with my dreams 

But when you finished there was barely anything left of me 

You altered my mind and conquered my heart 

Only to leave me broken 

I let you see my soul, I gave you everything 

And you still left me

Left me to re write my dreams 

Haunted by faded memories 

Of what we would never be 

Black Boy Blues

Hey black boy

Why you so mean?

Heart full of ice

Head full of steam

Hey black boy

Why you so mean

Cussin’ folk out

Causin’ a scene

“Hey black boy

Why you so mean”

Maybe cause my daddy gone

And mama ain’t home to feed me

Maybe cause my brother locked up

Cousin been gunned down in the street

Hey Merikkka

You wanna know why I’m mean

I go to bed hungry

My water ain’t even clean

System took my people

Ain’t nobody lookin’ out for me

Each night

I pray just to wake up

Each day

That today ain’t the day police decide to kill me

Stop asking

Black boys why they’re so mean

Maybe

Cause they struggle in a society

Built to oppress and detain

Rather than sustain such KINGS