I was addicted to my own pain
I reveled in it
Long past there being anything to gain
From reliving the hurt that damn near drove me insane
But to let go means taking responsibility
For my own growth
My own healing
Opening myself up to the possibility
That it could all. . .happen. . .again
And so I continued to fiddle with strings of toxicity
Institutionalized by my pain
Unable to cope with “healthy”
The triggers fire and anxiety swells
There’s got to be something wrong
And I’d sit waiting for the other shoe to fall
Only it wouldn’t . . .but that can’t be
So there I’d go digging into the recesses of my mind for old traumas to project
Subconsciously leaking the poisons of the past
Piecing together reasons to retreat
Because it’s better to leave before the hurt
Right?!
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